Cheney is the devil?

Submitted by PAAMember on December 15, 2005 - 12:00pm. ::

I've begun to notice that quite a few people consider Cheney to be the devil. I of course have noticed from the start his evil characteristics. I think that he is not the devil though. He is one of the demonic uppity ups.

Evil, from it's nature, eventually runs out and tires of itself. Good, in joy anticipates its continual rebirth.

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Submitted by PAAMember on December 15, 2005 - 1:00pm.

Dear Red States:

Have you seen this?


Dear Red States

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own

country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois

and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave

states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We

get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel,

Apple and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax

revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the

Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You

get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and

anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from

Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your

evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to

send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if

you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming

home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in

Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80

percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of

the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh

fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve

French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90

percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.

low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors,

all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,

Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope

with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected

health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly

100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes,

99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of

all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,

Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe

Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe

life is sacred unless we're discussing war, the death penalty

or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory,

53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of

you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals

than we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that

dirt weed they grow in Mexico.


Author Unknown in New California.